I sometimes sit and wonder if my love life will ever change. Going to my cousins wedding this weekend really depressed me. Him and his new wife are so perfect for each other and all I could do was hope I would find someone as perfect for me as those two are. I know I can’t see the future, but sometimes all I can do is think I’m screwed. When I look at myself and compare myself to my new cousins who have married my cousins, I’m nothing compared to them. They are all so genuinely nice and beautiful. But I feel like I’m a mean, mediocre person who will never attract a wonderful man. And that honestly scares me. I know I’m still young, but my cousin met his wife when she was 18. I don’t wanna be 30 when I finally settle down, I want a family right out of college. I want to be loved and I want this love to last. I don’t want a divorce. I do want a huge family. And to find a guy who fits what I need is hard to do nowadays. I know what I want him to look like, where I want to live, our wedding, our house, our children and pets. I know it all, but I am sitting here and all I can think is that I’ll be lonely and depressed forever. I hate feeling like this. I want someone to love me and be there for me and look at me the same way my cousins look at their wives. Where is my knight in shining armor?
Being with you last night was magical and perfect. We got along so well. When you would cuddle with me, I never wanted you to let go. Your touch is sensational, your kiss is breathtaking. I love everything about you, your smile, your laugh, your humor. Your personality is so wonderful and brings me oh so much happiness. I forget all the problems of the world when you are with me. But now sitting here alone, in a hotel room, 3 hours away, reality sets in and I remember we will never be anything like what we used to be. You’ll never want me to be the only girl in your life. I don’t understand that, do you not know I would do anything for you? I would drop the world if it meant us being together. The only question that ever is in my mind nowadays is why. Why am I not good enough? Why won’t you just give me a chance to prove myself to you? Why don’t you care about me as much as you once did? Why can’t things just work out for me? I often say I wish that I could move on from you and find someone better, but honestly I believe you are the one for me. I hate you some days and I love you some days. But can you blame me?
I wish my brain was stronger than my heart.
That ruined a lot of things.
I’m working in the conference room because it’s the only place I can work that has windows to let the sun in. That’s how you know I hate working during the summer time.
There would be nothing more to say.
You would love me because I should have strangled you
And because of my infamy;
And I should love you the more because I mangled you
And because you were no longer beautiful
To anyone but me.” —T. S. Eliot, from “The Love Song of St. Sebastian,” in Inventions of the March Hare: Poems, 1909-17 (via proustitute)
I tend to cry at everything. It’s the funniest, yet most pathetic thing you would ever witness.
I feel like there is a zillion things to do before bed time yet when I try to make a list, nothing comes to mind. I just want tomorrow to be so fun, and I know it will be. But then I get sad when I realize it’s the last time I’ll be seeing most of my senior class. And I know I’ve said I hate everyone this whole year, but in reality, I look back at the past 4 years and realize I’ve had some amazing times with very amazing people. We are about to lose the pure innocence and bliss high school brings us. We will now deal with making money for rent, food, gas, fun, etc. We will now be completely in charge of going to classes and making sure we get good grades. We won’t have our parents there every second to guide us through anything we need. It’s such a scary thought. It’s just weird to look back at the past four years and see how everyone has changed so much. The heartbreak, the love, the innocence. But in the end, it’s time to move on from this and grow strong and independent. Congrats to my senior class of 2011<3
Sorry to spew so much information about my personal life out, I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Goodnight Tumblr.
And the ONLY reason you keep saying sorry is because you realized you lost your little “fuck buddy” as you so blatantly put it. If I didn’t text you back the first time, don’t fucking text me 4 more times!
I know you’re the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met. I know you were my “first love” and all that bullshit. I know it’s MY fault for continually going back to you. I know it’s MY fault for thinking that sex will lead to us dating once again. I know it’ll never lead to dating again. So why am I so surprised that you constantly fuck me over time and time again? Why can’t I just move on for good? To this very day I still wish I had never met you. I wish more than anything that I had decided to go to the football game that night instead of the birthday party where we met for the first time. But tonight, you crossed the line. So don’t bother ever texting me again. Delete my number. Stupid fuck.
right as I was leaving, I gave him another hug and he said “thanks for hangin’ in there, killer”. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I’ll miss that man and all these wonderful teachers I’ve had for the duration of my high school career who have always had the utmost faith in me to work for my potential. College doesn’t give you that.
When and where? :)
They’re the ones that put me in such bad moods. I hate sitting at a desk for 7 hours. And even worse, tonight feels like a weekend but then I remember it’s not.
Now that summer is only days away, it’s time to pick up the paintbrush. I miss painting. It’s the only true escape I have from this world.
But when Mrs. Kenny handed me my rose, I completely lost it. It hit me that hard.
I wish you were mine so badly. The only time I ever feel like you care about me is when you’re drunk. And that sucks. I wish you’d see how crazy I am about you.
Why am I not going to EDC this year :( I wanna go so bad!