meladoodle:

free food is pretty much the dealmaker if i’m thinking of going to an event

(via zackisontumblr)

• Daniel: Nah, man.
• Daniel: Let me explain something to you.
• Daniel: Men are the masters of handjobs.
• Daniel: No woman will ever be as efficient or pleasuring at giving a handjob as the average male.
• Daniel: You may say "Oh, well I've given 5,000 handjobs before."
• Daniel: This is meaningless to me.
• Daniel: I call that summer at age 14.

iamonlydorb:

sucysucyfivedolla:

the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg

oh no I’m not falling for this one again

(via sugarsugarrrr)

baby-scars:

yahoo is going to delete every blog that doesn’t reblog my selfies sorry i don’t make the rules

(via onlyconsultingcriminal)

• me after running for 30 seconds: i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing

andrewpauldost:

i just saw a post like “kids these days dont even know what a vhs is” like why do people think kids of modern day dont know about past events like i know what fucking morse code is but i dont use it to order a pizza

(via au-r-e-v-o-i-r)

rabioheab:

so do you guys think the world is going to end in 2012 or what 

(via zackisontumblr)

slenclerman:

theres literally no way to tell how many ghost dicks you have in ur mouth right now

(via fartgallery)